Dog Diary vs Cat Diary: Insights into our beloved pet's minds

I received this email today, and I can honestly say that it is the best, to my mind, "forward" email I have received in a while:

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash

or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations

perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my

strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I

had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending

comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed

in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear

the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to

the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to

my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my

tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this

again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to

be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Whirlwind

Today in a week, my job as a reporter at the newspaper ends. Unbelievable, what has happened in the space of nine months. Unhappy and fat, I began my first job as a writer. Withing weeks I knew that I had finally found the job of my dreams. I wrote, and they paid me. Yes, they did not pay much, but nontheless it was my break through.
And in a week, I head off, towards new waters, new rivers and probably a crocodile or two. While I am leaving the media, for a while, I know that I'll be back. It is that knowledge that keeps me going now.

On the first of June I begin work at a lodge situated close to the hear of Hartman's Valley, near the Kunene and on the border of Angola. Rural does not begin to describe this isolated luxury post, catering to the needs of the few who can afford it. It will be a privilege to work in such a pristine environment. I'll also get up close and personal to the Himba tribes from whom the lodge rents the land. I'm quite excited about that, and look forward to my experiences with them.

The good news, is that it is not permanent. I'll be coming back to the world of news very soon. Sooner than I at first thought was possible. Yesterday, out of the blue, I got a call from one of the major national newspapers operating in Namibia. They offered me a job. So, soon, after a bit of time out, serving the privileged, I'll be back again, kicking the ass of the privileged. Such fun. Such brilliance. Such sunshine (I'm trying to talk like Tom Schmooze, who doesn't seem to be able to utter a single sentence without using 'brilliant', fantastic, adorable, absolutely and amazing).

So, I'm looking forward to the absolutely amazing privilege of serving and then kicking. Serve. Kick. Serve. Kick. Yay.

In the meantime, I'll keep on writing here on a regularly basis. This is after all, the absolute right time, to continue blogging on "Rural Adversities."